Right now it's a beautiful Sunday evening; the sun is shining brightly and the temperature is perfect for a stroll. I just sent my family out on a "dadventure" to the beach, which is what we like to call any fun outing without Mommy. I would actually rather have gone along. At home I will simply do dishes, make dinner, switch the laundry, and make a list of things to get done after Abigail goes to bed and before I do. (I'll probably eat whatever chocolate there is in the house, too.) But Jake and I came to realize long ago that while quality family time is important, any sort of bonding between baby and Daddy really needs to occur in the absence of Mom. Poor Jake is not allowed to push the stroller, pull the wagon, hold the hand of the baby climbing on rocks, wash hands, change diapers, read books, get Abigail out of the car seat, or, heaven forbid, hold her while I am around. Her insistence on all things being done by Mommy not only limits Jake's access to his daughter, but leaves me exhausted and frustrated. When Jake is around Abigail won't do things that she normally does on her own. She won't get down and play while I cook dinner, or allow me to leave the room without complaint. We have some tricks that send her running into his arms (in addition to his natural charm, of course)--things I simply never do that she likes, so that she will go to her Daddy in order to do them. Sometimes her choice is to stay inside with Mommy or go outside with Daddy. She usually gives in and does what she wants in the end, but it's always a struggle. On Friday I left the house in Jake's car and parked it around the corner to read awhile in peace while they played, only to be discovered while they walked to the park. She looked at me through the window, trying to figure out if it was really me, and then started gesturing wildly in my direction. While I'm quite certain I would be sad if my child were indifferent to my presence, I don't think my current position can really be understood by anyone who has not personally experienced the same (of which I know there are many moms and dads). I am at once the prized possession and the pariah. I am the whole world, and sometimes I feel the weight of it on my shoulders.
To his extreme credit, Jake has never taken this situation out of context. He's never been angry with me or frustrated enough by the situation to sulk. He persists, relentlessly. When they are together without me, they have a fabulous time. They come home full of smiles and tell me all about what they did. They giggle and play and learn together. I'm so impressed by his ability to keep on trying through thousands of "no"s and dismissive "bye bye"s. We often spend time with Abigail sitting in my lap while I hold the book and we alternate reading pages to her. We take turns spinning her around, Ma ma's turn, Da da's turn, just to get him in there wherever we can. He's all love for her, and it's a beautiful thing.
Some recent Dadventures:
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| Carousel ride in Balboa Park (she is obsessed) |
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| Bike ride in search of her favorite vehicles--tractors |
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| Dinner at Daphne's |
I know this is a phase, and I appreciate every hug, kiss, funny word, and post-sleep snuggle. But I wish I could go to the beach with my family this afternoon. That would be nice.
Sending love and a few more pictures!
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| First attempt at pig tails lasted about 3 minutes |
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| Playing with one of her buddies |
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| Pure sweetness |
