In the summer of the year two thousand and one a young girl took advantage of a rare opportunity to intern at a prestigious Caltech chemistry laboratory. There she met an intelligent young boy belonging to this breakout group of high achievers, along with a dozen other twenty-something-year-olds who spent their days and nights living organic chemistry. Though ten weeks passed, barely a word was spoken between them, and they parted ways without a second thought.
Nearly three years later at the laboratories of Johnson & Johnson Pharmaceuticals the two met again. This time the boy was interviewing for a job, and the girl was one of the three associates taking him to lunch. And that is where our love story begins....
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| October 2004: Forbidden love |
At the end of your interview day I saw you walking to the parking garage. I ran 50 yards across the pavement to catch up and ask how your day went. You were nervous, formal, brief. I was being friendly, remembering how difficult my own interview day felt. You did choose J&J as your employer, though it was a very hard decision, as you were offered positions all over the country. Then you were placed in my group, of the six chemistry groups on site at the time. I came by your office to ask your birthday, since including new people in my tradition of baking on their birthday seemed like a welcoming way to break the ice.
We were friends for a long time before we were more. You made a personal decision not to get involved with anyone at work; we were both in relationships. Then our boss rearranged the lab space and we became bay-buddies. You, me, and Alex. I'm not sure if he knows, to this day, how instrumental he was in the kindling of our relationship. We did things together, the three of us. Jokes about music and girls were abundant; banter about football and politics frequent. You used to stop doing your work to listen to me sing along with the radio.
When things in my personal life fell to pieces you were there to pick me up. I'll never forget that you bought milk chocolate, dark chocolate, and white chocolate Ghirardelli chunks in half pound sizes because you knew I liked chocolate, but you weren't sure which was my favorite. You listened, for hours on end. We read books together, talked on the phone until the sun came up, played flag football, and drank too much wine. My family called you "Just Friends Jake".
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| March 2005: our first year celebrating birthdays together (you gave me not one, but two wetsuits--wishful thinking) |
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| July 2005: your Half Ironman--I went along just to make sure you didn't collapse in a heap since you were going to go alone |
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| July 2006: Hawaii--where everyone asked if we were just engaged |
One thing I remember very distinctly about the start of our romance is that you were always so happy to be happy. You still are, of course, but at the time it was a new experience for me. Being around someone who takes delight in so many different aspects of life is contagious. And I also remember things feeling easy. I know it wasn't all easy, by any stretch, as we transitioned from our own relationships, through a short "just friends" stage, into what was clearly a serious endeavor, requiring us to disclose our relationship to the human resources department at work. But your skills of communication were remarkable to me, as well as your strong relationship with your family, and the open, real friendships you maintained.
Once we took the plunge and disclosed our relationship to our coworkers, one of us had to move groups. This was no small thing, as each group had a different therapeutic focus, new coworkers, new lab space, new boss. We decided that I should make the change, since you had such a great working relationship with our current boss. So I moved upstairs into what felt like a new world--challenging and lonely. You would leave presents on my doorstep and write notes on my hood sash when I wasn't there. Thoughtfulness, attention to detail, those were some of your good traits, but mostly I was astounded by how interested you were in me.
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| September 22, 2006: Our second anniversary of dating |
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| December 2006: My first Saints game |
Now we get to the point where the years passed quickly by. Friends and family noticed my happiness, even commented upon a change in me. I was free to be me. Loved. Adored, even. You've always been better about expressing how wonderful I am on a regular basis, but it's been clear from the start that you, my partner, my love, are my perfect match, an amazing man. You exceed expectations in so many, many ways.
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| April 2007: Walking to the Jefferson Memorial, where you would ask me to marry you |
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| July 2007: Greece with your family |
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| January 2008: Engagement photo shoot |
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| April 2008: Hillary Clinton in LA |
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| September 6, 2008 |
Five years ago today you were the glowing groom. At the wedding a friend of mine told me she's never seen a happier groom, and it was her first time meeting you! Of course the morning of the wedding I allowed far too much stress into my world, but it all evaporated when I saw this smile.
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| The moment my wedding day became perfect |
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| Trying to push the ring over my fat knuckles |
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| The happy couple |
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| La Jolla Cove (2.5 miles from our house) |
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| I will always love to dance the night away with you, my darling |
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| Honeymooners |
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| The vacation of a lifetime |
First comes love, then comes marriage, then......
I wasted our lovely first anniversary trip in Florida limiting myself to one drink per meal and skipping the hot tub because I "might" be pregnant. Of course I wasn't. Sigh.
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| September 6 2008: First anniversary in Florida |
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| December 2009 |
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| February 2010 |
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| March 2010: Baking king cakes New Orleans style |
Christmas of 2009 we found out our family would grow, and by that summer we were blessed with Abigail. What a change! Everyone asked if we felt differently when we got married, and we agreed that really the bigger challenge was moving in together. Since we'd already done that, we were happily moving forward, not feeling a huge shift. When we had a child, however, our world turned upside down. Our mutual love for this tiny human being was potent. Some things that used to be simple were complicated, other things that used to cause discord no longer mattered. Co-parenting is surely the hardest relationship challenge we have faced. It's not always pretty, but we do it with as much compassion as we can, and the love we share for our children makes for an amazing life. I'm so blessed to share this journey with you. You are an incredible father, and I know my children will benefit from that their whole life through.
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| June 2010: Getting big |
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| June 2010: Anticipating |
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| August 10, 2010: So nervous, so new. |
Our second anniversary, right after Abigail was born, we went out to dinner with her in the stroller. She screamed on the way home so much that I ended up nursing her while walking down the street in the dark.
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| September 6, 2010 |
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| August 2011: What our alone time looks like to this day |
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| September 2011: This is the closest we have to a picture of us on our third anniversary: September 3rd at a family pool party. |
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| January 2012: The new look of the self-portrait |
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| September 2012 |
And as time passes the picture sorting gets more difficult. There are thousands, literally thousands, of pictures of Abigail, but only a few stolen moments with just you and me. I know these years when they are little are precious and fleeting, so it doesn't make me sad, but I do remember a time when all the pictures were of bathing suits, beaches, football, and restaurants. How life has changed!
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| September 6, 2012: Out to dinner AFTER back to school night at Abigail's preschool |
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| October 2012 |
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October 2012
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I was a few months pregnant when we took the above pictures, which seems unreal right now, because it's almost October again. Time really does speed up as we age. This pregnancy we knew what to expect, which can make a world of difference. When my water broke you were putting Abigail to sleep, which was no small feat for you, as she strongly prefers to go to sleep with me. You came out of the room looking for a plush doll that she was insisting on sleeping with. As you approached me to ask where the doll might be, I told you that my water broke. You said, "congratulations, where's the Belle doll?" Twenty five hours later we met Elijah.
You were so amazing in labor. I mean, I know I did all the work, but when I think back on what is required of you, I am really impressed. It's hard to see the one you love in pain, to be powerless to help or make any decisions yourself, to exist in an uncomfortable situation while waiting for your new child to arrive safely. Your poise, confidence in me, and acceptance of whatever may come will not ever be forgotten.
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| December 2012 |
And then we met our second little love, and our family grew, and our daughter began to learn what loving a sibling feels like, and we became parents again in a whole new way.
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| April 10, 2013 |
So here we are, five years later, with a beautiful family, much to be grateful for, and many years ahead to enjoy this life we continue to build together.
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| July 2013 |
That's my kind of love story.
