Transition Part II: Siblings

I have a hard time beginning the story of my children as siblings.  The past few weeks have been challenging for me as a mother, more emotionally than physically.  Yes, I am sleep deprived, but that's nothing new.  While I knew that this enormous change in our family would require patience and a period of adjustment, I feel unprepared.  Some things are easy, others hard.  We have much to be grateful for: healthy, thriving children; loving family and friends; a beautiful home.  I try to keep things in perspective when things get hard.

My infant son is so, so much easier than my memories of Abigail's early weeks.  I distinctly remember falling asleep in a tub of hot water during one of the few moments when Abigail was not requiring every ounce of my attention, and startling myself awake when I heard a phantom baby cry.  

Elijah sleeps.  A lot.  He cries when he's cold, which really only occurs when his diaper is being changed and at bath time.  He can be rocked to sleep in 5 minutes, but you can also just put him down mostly awake if he's swaddled and has a pacifier and he'll put himself to sleep.  I read in one of the many sleep books I've purchased in the past 2 years 10 months that this is possible, but my experience was never consistent with this supposed truth.  As it turns out, some of them do fall asleep on their own.  He smiles at me when his belly is full of milk and he's resting against my chest.  His big, blue eyes try ever so hard to focus on me during his waking moments, and he melts my heart.

Relaxing with Mom

They are only this small for such a short time!

Abigail is adjusting.  She is truly sweet with her brother.  She wants to check on him when he's sleeping.  She wants to hold him any time she sees him, and she plants big wet kisses on his cheek any opportunity she gets.  Today she just started pushing her cheek against his lips and proclaiming proudly, "he kissed me!".  It's sweet and adorable.  Of course she borders on smothering him every time she hugs him, and she can't be trusted not to stick her finger in his eye.  She races across the house to "check on him" and I race after her, to protect him from her well-intentioned love.  These days I can hardly get over how big she is, by comparison, to her baby bro.

With Ariel at Disneyland

Running errands with Da da ("credit card" in hand)

The part that's been challenging is managing (or lacking to manage, truth be told) the emotional roller coaster that is Abigail Wiener.  When we came home from the hospital it was immediately evident to me that my daughter was a ball of raw emotion.  Happy, sad, angry, confused, excited, loving, frustrated....all of these emotions were so obviously cycling through her being that it broke my heart.   I thought that getting her back into her routine of eating and sleeping would help, but I think she just needs time.  These past three weeks I've sometimes felt like a milk machine -- feed the baby, hand him off to Jake, and devote 100% of my attention to Abigail.  Of course it's a double edged sword.  I feel guilty for spending less time with Elijah than I did with Abigail when she was a baby.  I feel sad for every little smile that I might be missing (though I'm comforted by the fact that they are being bestowed on Jake).  I feel guilty that I can't give Abigail what she needs, what she's used to, what she knows as her world.  And tomorrow Jake goes back to work.  So we are going to have to find our new normal.  I just hope there are more smiles than tears.  Wish me luck.