2014 Calendar

Each year since Abigail was born I put together a little family calendar to distribute to her grandparents, using a format that I consider an age-old tradition.  Each month is a picture from that same month one year earlier, leading to an immediate sigh of reminiscence every time the calendar is viewed.  Really, she was that small just one year ago?  Abigail calls this year's calendar the Elijah calendar, since he makes his debut in April.  The years are indeed short.

January at Windansea beach, playing with friends at sunset

February Valentine's day photo shoot, after which we brought roses to each child and teacher at her weekly music class

March: a quiet, post-nap moment just a few weeks before Elijah was born.  The afternoon light in my bedroom is nice.

Just after his birth, April 10, 2013.  I can't believe this little peanut is almost 10 months old already.  This picture makes me want to cry.

In addition to depicting a sweet sibling moment, this May picture was chosen for how small Abigail's hands and face look.  She's grown up a lot since Elijah was born.

In June Elijah was still mastering the art of tummy time, now he is crawling all over the house and standing on his own two feet.

This picture was taken in July at a family beach day, Crystal Cove Beach.  The people in the water in the background are my sister and niece (right next to Abigail's head) and my other sister with her son and husband.  I miss my big family, as it's been too long since I was able to make it to a family gathering.

This coming August my first born will turn four!  I wonder if she will love princesses and face paint, still, or what her beautiful mind will move on to next.  Here she is enjoying a friend's birthday party as Aurora.

September in San Diego is one of my favorite times of year.  This was the first time I took the kids to the local pool all by myself.  Abigail stayed close and Elijah lasted about 30 minutes in that seat.

The little Halloween shark wore that outfit for less than an hour, but Ursula had already moved on from costume make-up to face paint pictures by Halloween, since she'd worn her outfit every day for a week.

This precious photo, taken the day after Thanksgiving, is bound to be one of my all-time favorites from their childhood.  There's something about their expressions that just feels real, warm, and amazing to me as a mother.

I can't imagine what our next Christmas will be like, at the rate things are changing around here.  Parenting is not boring, that's for sure.  While part of me wishes they could stay this small forever, I haven't slept in three years.

Pictures for an epic holiday re-cap are organized.  I just need 30 minutes to myself to actually write the post. Happy 2014!

Tales of Wiener Fun

I realize that I am woefully behind on my blogging updates.  Additionally, my last post was both emotionally wrought and lacking pictures.  This post will be longer, but much more fun.  I picked out my favorite pictures from the last few months with stories to go along.  Sending love this holiday season to all my family and friends!

At Halloween time Abigail was obsessed with a certain house which was decorated elaborately for the holiday.  Her favorite feature was a clown that, when activated, would cackle and take his own head off, revealing a bloody stump of a neck on both sides.  Her response: "yuck", with a big smile.  She stood in front of this clown for longer than was polite to do so on many occasions, as this was her second year admiring him.  Bruce, as he is called, was requested in face paint last month.  Here she is pretending to take her own head off.

 Upon getting into the car after a trip to the park, Elijah signaled his sister for a big, wet kiss by opening his mouth as wide as possible.  This was her response.  I'm sure they'll love this photo when they are teenagers!

Elijah has a tendency to wake up at 5:30 am.  We didn't quite catch the sunrise on this early morning walk, but I never regret it when I just get out instead of sulking around the house.

We have not yet braved Disneyland since Elijah started settling into two real naps per day, as opposed to four 45 minute snooze sessions  (Elijah has been to Disneyland on three previous trips, but napping in the carrier was a norm back then).  Here we are wishing Jake and Abigail a fun day as they went off to the happiest place on earth.

Most of the pictures from Disneyland feature Abigail eating corn dogs.  I don't know why this is. I guess Jake is sitting there, relaxed, and she's cute as a button eating this ridiculous piece of food….. 

And she tells animated stories… 

corn dog in hand.

Tea cups are a very favorite

Her face when she learned she was tall enough to ride the swings.  I wish I could have been there for that!

And in case you didn't notice…Jake grew a mustache for Movember.

Our little swimmer has turned into a fish.  She can't get enough water time.  At class she swims the length of the pool solo, can be thrown in the air into the pool and swim to the side, or jump into the pool and circle back to the wall.  She's fast in the water!  And she's currently learning how to stop to take breaths and lower her head again to continue swimming. 

Elijah gets really into mommy kisses sometimes.  He might just be hungry, since he's practically sucking on my lips, but I'll take it.  He's such a little sweet angel. 

This kid is flexible and MOBILE.  It's impossible to change his diaper, and he's across the room rolling, like he's going downhill, in the blink of an eye.  He finds all kinds of creative ways to reach what he wants on the floor, from scooting forward to rolling and twisting in different directions, once he gets the right angle he grabs one of his sister's dolls, only to have it ripped from his hands the moment she catches sight of his prize.

Here they are sharing a toy!  Now that Elijah is sitting I am able to leave them for a minute or two (within earshot).  Here I changed the laundry over and came back to this.  

Most days Abigail's required "quiet time" is a huge struggle.  She doesn't want to stay in her room.  She wants me to play, change her dress, clean her room up, read her a book…..there are bad guys in her room, she wants the talking phone that no one has seen in three months, or she has to go potty.  Whatever the excuse, quiet time is rarely quiet.  But every once in awhile something like this happens.  I knew she wasn't asleep, because of all the clanging, but I thought she was just throwing toys all over the room, as usual.  She was building a city. 

Little man is eating more and more food!  Mostly he loves pears, which is a rough one to make at home, since the pears really have to be perfectly ripe to taste sweet.  If you put half a spoonful of pears and half a spoonful of most anything else he will eat it.  He also loves avocado, fresh sweet potato (but will NOT eat it out of a jar), and apples.  I'm working on the veggie variety, but overall I'm sure he will do just fine.  At nearly 8 months, he still doesn't have any teeth.

Jerry recently celebrated his 85th birthday!  We had sandwiches and cake.  Abigail made him a crown with princess stickers, which he wore happily while munching away on deli meat and admiring his sons.  Barbara printed out some stories that she wrote up from conversations with Jerry about his childhood.  She made a book, and it was the highlight of his party.  He really enjoyed reading it.

The sunsets at Windansea are unparalleled this time of year.  Every day it's an amazing sky!

While my boy is very happy, almost always smiling, he doesn't laugh out loud all that often.  He's mellow.  Here he is really enjoying the swing, making his mama feel like a million bucks. 

Elijah's hair either looks like a stylish haircut or a wild case of bed head.  I can't decide which I like better.

We spent the Thanksgiving holiday visiting family, first Jake's family at his mom's house in Poway, then my family in Riverside on Friday.  While it was nice to avoid cleaning my house and cooking a huge meal, it was a little stressful to take Elijah out of his comfy crib environment and watch him try to sleep in strange places.  As a result, I didn't take a single picture between the two days, not one!  I brought both my nice camera and my tripod to both houses with intentions to take family photos, but did not make it happen.  Then I opened iPhoto on Saturday and through the "Last 12 Months" folder was taken directly to pictures of Abigail last Thanksgiving.  She was all dressed up with barely any hair, looking so tiny and adorable.  Of course I felt terrible for missing the opportunity to have that memory for 2013, and even moreso since this is Elijah's very first Thanksgiving.  So I decided I would dress them up and take the pictures anyway.  Two days late is better than never.

And now we are on to Christmas, so I'll be sure to take every opportunity to document this precious time in our family life.  3 years old and 8 months old.  I hear from people with grown children that it doesn't get any better than this, but I'm an optimist.  I think it must just keep getting better and better.

Waiting to pick up his big sister at school (30 min overdue for nap time)

Dressed in holiday shirts in anticipation of Grandpa's arrival for Tree Day!

My dad hit a lot of traffic on the way down to SD.  So I took the wagon and both kiddies with the tree stand down to the local lot to get the process going, since baby meltdown was not too far off and I wanted to at least reach dinner time before putting Elijah to bed.  Abigail was not amused by the fact that there was a dog running around trying to lick her.  She doesn't like dogs.  It's very inconvenient for me, actually, because she actively runs away from them or freezes in her tracks and starts yelling.  I'm not entirely sure why she does this, but the other day she told me that she doesn't want them to lick her, she wants them to go like this (as she sweetly approaches me to plant a gentle kiss on my lips).  She's such a funny girl.

Got the tree home!

Last year Abigail wanted nothing to do with the actual tree.  She climbed up and down the step stool  while we decorated.  This year she couldn't get enough ornaments!  She picked out one particular spot on the tree and piled on so many ornaments that they were touching the floor by the time she proclaimed "I need more ornaments".  All the while she was singing along to the obscure Neff family tradition Christmas music, Roger Whittaker.  I have the fondest memories of warm lights and Christmas music with family.  I love this time of year.

11 years and counting.  Love you Dad!

Elijah didn't get to see the decorated tree until morning.

He was joined by his sister an hour later.  She woke up and said two words, "Christmas tree". 

Here she is making a face like a snow man

Then she insisted on dressing like Santa Claus, which led to a hunt through her clothes for a red shirt and pants.  Luckily they existed (thanks to Alice Lee-Dutra, the best clothing provider of all time -- when she comes to my house bearing hand-me-downs from her daughter it really is like Christmas day).  

These photos makes me wish I didn't already have my holiday cards printed.   

Wishing you joy, laughter, love, and special memories this holiday season.  Mwa!

White noise misery

I am sitting at the living room table at 12:45 am finger picking words on my iPad.  I can hear white noise from three different locations in the house, Abigail's room, Elijah's room and my room, where Jake is sleeping with the monitor on so that he can tend to the baby when he wakes.  I just pumped enough milk to keep my skin from bursting and I'm sitting around feeling sorry for myself.  Jake asked if he could record me saying ridiculous things like "I don't want chocolate ever again, I just want to pick up my baby", and "you go to sleep, I'm never going to sleep again."

I made the mistake of mentioning sleep training on Facebook, knowing full well that I would receive all kinds of messages telling me about what I should do and how I am doing it wrong.  So now, for what it is worth, I will explain myself.  I know that I don't have to, but I want to.  Here's how it went down.

Elijah was a pretty good sleeper as an infant. He woke to nurse a few times each night, settled quickly , and stayed asleep for 12 hours or so, all things told.  The difference between him and Abigail was huge, and getting Abigail back to sleep in the night was actually a bigger challenge at almost three years old then the baby at the start.

Time wore on and he was still doing ok, but waking more frequently.  Naps became a big bummer, as he could not sleep past the 45 min mark and would not go back to sleep even if I rocked and shushed and nursed.  Abigail had impeccable timing and would occupy herself just long enough to burst in the room screaming about something or other as I finally got him settled.  Four 45 min naps turned to three and then to two, despite my very best effort.  Night time became a mess of me putting him to sleep at 6:30 and him waking up  five times before 11 pm.  He slept fitfully until I went to sleep and would only really sleep for more than 45 min when cuddled into me or laying on my chest.  With Abigail waking once or twice on a bad night I certainly wasn't sleeping much, but that's nothing new.

I honestly think that having children trained my body to live with only four or five hours of interrupted sleep.  I do fine. I stay up late to have time to myself when I could be sleeping.  I pulled an all-nighter a few weeks ago and was amazed at how much easier it was then when I was in college.  But I digress.
The point of the tangent is that I am not sleep training Elijah so that I can get more sleep.

Queue the time change and Elijah is upside down.  Even sleeping with me he is screaming most of the night.  He hates his swaddle, but can't sleep without it.  He screams in his swing, but can't be placed down in a crib or on the bed.  He pulls his head back and forth violently when I try to put the pacifier in his mouth, but feels better once he has it.  He suckles but doesn't eat and pulls off the breast every few minutes.  I warmed the bed with a heating pad, put his lovey near his nose, held him, rocked him, nursed him, slept with him in every position, sat in the rocking chair for hours.  My point is that HE was not sleeping.

Since Abigail took three years and the final elimination of naps to ever sleep 12 hours straight, I was already familiar with the sleep literature.  I already consulted with a sleep doula.  I know about sleep cycles and the best practices for encouraging good sleep.  I know my options and don't like them.

We chose with Abigial to enter the circus and do everything and anything to get her to sleep.  When she was 7 months old I had severe tendinitis in my arm/elbow because she napped in my arms for hours on end every single day.  She grew out of it and we moved on.  I felt like I was doing my very best.  I felt like a pretty good mom.  But of course she never learned to self soothe, and I know in a big way that is a disservice to her.  Instead of teaching her to sleep, I taught her to cuddle.  There are certainly worse things, and she's an amazing little being, but we did not lack for tears and frustration.  I had plenty of moments I am not proud of when trying to put Abigial to sleep and failing.  I would sometimes come out of her room after laying with her for two hours trying to get her to sleep and say that I was trapped  in a sleepy princess hell.  But then she says the funniest sleepy things, moves her stuffed Woody doll aside because, "I want to sleep next to you, Ma ma.", and again I feel
like I am doing it right.  But Abigail does not have a big sister, and this mom has to take care of both the seven month old and the three year old.

So I talked Jake into the Sleep Lady Shuffle.  You put a chair by the crib and soothe the baby verbally and with intermittent patting.  Eventually you move the chair further and finally out of the room.  The baby learns to sleep on his own.  Controlled crying, but still crying.  Let me tell you that I have cried more over this than any other mothering decision.  And I know my tears don't make his any easier.  I grieve for the nights of nursing and cuddling.  I want him to sleep with me, near me, to be my tiny baby as long as possible, but he's not sleeping.  He's not sleeping.

The silly thing about this very moment is that I am sobbing in a chair like an idiot.  My family is sleeping.  People do this all the time with much success and happy children.  I realize I am crying more for myself.  I just want to pick up my baby, right now, my baby who went to sleep tonight after 9 min of non-hysterical crying and has only woken twice so far to fuss for five minutes and then sleep some more.  Don't get me wrong, last night was hell, most directly for Jake and Elijah.  I couldn't have done it, but Jake stayed up all night and shushed and patted, wiped his sweaty head.  He's such a good daddy.  Then I did the daytime and it broke me inside.  I did it, because I am stubborn and I refuse to have my little person cry all night and not reap the benefits, but I feel terrible through and through.  I feel like I betrayed my son and myself.  I don't feel like a good mom.  God I am dramatic. Maybe it's time to end this epic post.

So it's only day two and I am a wreck.  Jake thinks this is the most amazing thing he's ever seen.  He feels a well-earned sense of accomplishment.  Elijah is sleeping and sleeping comfortably in his crib, when he cries a little shhhhhhhh helps him settle right down. Amazing.

Tomorrow my mom is coming for the day to help with Abigail, bless her.  I don't know if I can do it again, though I know I should.  We are more than just knee deep.  I'm off to pump more and break my vow to never sleep again.